Tuesday, February 1, 2011

But I Love Him

Girl #1: 
Have been dating a guy for a few months.  He says the right things to her.  He does the right things for her.  He is the perfect gentlemen.  Time goes on and her feelings grow more and more for him.  One day she receives a call from one of her friends to meet her at a restaurant.  She complies and the two sit at a table and wait.  The restaurant looks familiar so she begins to tell her friend how her man brought her there before, and she begins to glow as she remembers the evening.  Her friend touches her hand and points in the direction of a family having dinner.  When she looks, she sees the person who she has referred to as her man having dinner………with his wife and kids.  Her friend says to her, you must end it, to a response of “but I love him.”

Girl #2:
Is a child of God.  She goes to church every Sunday, she goes to bible study every Wednesday, and is present for almost every church activity.  You can see her happiness when she is around her church family.  When she goes home, the atmosphere is different.  She has a husband who works, and takes care of the bills, but he drinks more than usual, and when he is on the phone with his buddies, his profanity laced conversations will make a sailor blush, nor does he shows any respect for her faith walk.  She invites him to church, but he feels he is a grown man, and do not need to hear another grown man yell at him.  She shares with her church sister how she wishes he would change.  Her church sister inquired how they got to the point of marriage, where she tucked her head down in a bashful and sort of embarrassing manner and giggled like a teenager.  Her church sister nodded in understanding, but asks “is this who you believe God wants in your life?”  Her response, “but I love him.”

Girl # 3:
Is in a terrible relationship.  Her man is always high, hardly holds down a job, and comes in at all hours of the night.  One night she confronts him on his actions, and he responded in a degrading manner.  To keep the peace, she does not bring it up any more.  One day while doing his laundry, she finds an open condom wrapper in his back pocket.  She waited patiently for him to come home that night and confronts him.  Because he was caught, he begins to beat her senseless.  She manages to get out of the apartment and one of the neighbors sees her and takes her in.  The neighbor calls police and the boyfriend was arrested.  At court time, she insists she does not want to press charges.  Things cooled down, but another evidence of an affair arises and she tries to confront him in a manner that is gently.  He begins to raise his voice and throw things around the apartment.  The neighbor comes with her two sons at the door, and she tells him “not this time.”  He storms out threatening that the neighbors better not be here when he returns.  The neighbor said to her that she should not have allowed him to come back, and her response, “but I love him.”

      Three different girls and three different scenarios that we are all too familiar with.  There seems to be a disconnect in what some women believe is love, and what love really is.  The bible gives the most clear and beautiful example of what love is.  In 1 Cor 13:4-8, love:
  • Suffers long
  • Is kind
  • Does not envy
  • Does not parade itself
  • Is not puffed up
  • Does not behave rudely
  • Does not seek its own
  • Is not provoked
  • Thinks no evil
  • Does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
  • Bears all things
  • Believes all things
  • Hopes all things
  • Endures all things
  • Never fails
       Some women need to hold their men to a higher standard.  These relationships seem to be built on convenience and compromise instead of being built on love and respect.  Ladies, love also is reciprocal.  If you are giving love, it supposed to be returned back to you.  If this is not the case, there is an error present. 

Girl # 2 hits home for me.  My wife was similar to Girl # 2.  My wife was not going to church, but she was going to weekly bible studies.  She would invite me, but of course I would decline.  I did not get high or drunk, but I did have a toilet mouth.  Every week she would invite me, and every week I would decline.  There was a time I was irritated due to the constant invites.  Then she suddenly stopped inviting me.  I noticed her demeanor was different.  She spoke differently, she looked different, everything about was different.  One day I purposely did something to anger her, and she handled it with ease.  I felt so ashamed.  I began to show up to their bible studies.  It was only women there.  I just sat in the living room trying to act manly.  As the woman of God was sharing the gospel, I moved from the living room to the floor near their table.  Before you knew it, I was at the table with them.
 By the grace of God, I am now in my rightful place.  There is a verse for this ladies.  It reads “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,  when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.” (1Pe 3:1-2)  I am proof of this verse, however the scripture did say “may be won.”  If a woman is doing what she is suppose to in this scenario and the man is not moved, then he is not worthy.  There is an example of a Godly woman in front of him, and he is blatantly disregarding, which is the same as disregarding the word.

I pray that this lesson be used as a guide for women to make sound decisions in the future when choosing a man.  Amen!


  1. I could talk about this issue for days. However, i will narrow it down to one point that may not apply to all women in these cases, but I bet it does for most. Many women are damaged as children...and often...it is by their own fathers. This hurt and damage runs very deep. From their very foundation "love" is warped and the young girl not only does not receive real love...they never even learn what it is. All they know is their parents are suposed to love them so what they give them, must be LOVE.

    Naturally when they grow up they have no idea what to look for. They refer back to their life experiences...their only experience of "love" which is not love at all. This is how cycles are formed. They are taught from childhood that love hurts...love lies....love controls...love is perverted...love abandons...love ignores... love uses fists to demonstrate love... love hides from the truth... loves allows... love is spread out to many others beyond one's own family... love is anything but the biblical version. One can read those words...but it takes more then that to undo what they have LEARNED over a lifetime.

    I guess what I'm saying is...a little understanding goes a long way and these women need to be understood before they can be RE-taught.


  2. You are correct Onamission, but remember, these scenarios are real and are far to familiar. In order to address the problem, you have to identify the problem. The problem is there is a disconnect to what they think is love, and what love really is. Whether they were taught wrong by their parents, or whether they were taught wrong by their first mate, the result, is their perception of love is incorrect. The only love that I stand by, is the love of God, and what He stipulates what love is. I am a Minister of the Gospel, and I address things from a spiritual perspective, hence using what thus saith the Lord to bring my point across.

    You are absolutely, 100% correct when you stated it will take more then that to undo what they have learned over a lifetime. I am not in disagreement. As stated in my closing, "I pray that this lesson, be used as a guide for women to make sound decision in the future." So you see, this lesson points to what love really is, and examples were given. It is up to the individual to take it and build upon it. Amen!

  3. Onamission
    you are right, many women are damage as children by people they love and trust. This is what they know, this is what they grow up seeing..they see there great grand daddy, their grand-daddy, their daddy, their brothers doing this and then they themselves do It and their kids end up doing it (both male and female). However, when is it going to stop? When will they stop this generation curse? When are they going to look inside themselves and say “you know what, this has to stop. This is not right. This is not love… I NEED TO STOP it here. I will not allow it to go any further than me.
    We all have been hurt one way or another.. Some wounds are indeed deeper than others are, and required more time and help to heal. However, they will heal. God will heal them for you if we allow him to. Whatever we go through, we have to remember that we are not the only one going through it.. we maybe going through it now in order to be in a place in the future to help someone else with that same hurt.
    I am not saying for them to just up and get over it. No, it will take time to heal.. And we all do understand and sympathize with them. But are they going to sit there in their self pity or are they going to do something about it. Are they going to change their thinking, their circumstances? They have to want to change, and seek who is able to help them. Cause , only God can heal them and through their healing will he use them to help others who have and will be hurt…
    @Minister Notice—You are right.. this can and should be use as a guide to all women as to what Love is. So many times you hear of women in relationship or you may have some in your family and what they are going through, makes you wonder why do they stay. Why are they allowing this to happen to them? That’s because they don’t know what love it..
    And the sad part is this is what our young girls are facing right now.. They figure if he buys me stuff or take me places he loves me.. They don’t know how to live without a man in their life and they have to always have one, they settle for less than they deserve. The devil will send these men to these women for one reason and that is to satisfy their flesh and nothing else. However, God will send the man to them that will not only satisfy their flesh but their spirit. He will be in accord with her and God..

    We continue to pray for them.. Continue to strengten them so they can overcome this and be the change in that Generation curse. Continue to feed them with the word and educate them.

  4. Sister Judy, you addressed the exact issue I believe Onamission was pointing to. These hurt goes deep, where it has traveled via generations. However we have the power to stop it, but the choice have to be made to do so. You touched on some key elements that one who falls in any of my scenarious, whether it be the victim, or the one causing the hurt, it must be considered. Amen for you post.