Have been dating a guy for a few months. He says the right things to her. He does the right things for her. He is the perfect gentlemen. Time goes on and her feelings grow more and more for him. One day she receives a call from one of her friends to meet her at a restaurant. She complies and the two sit at a table and wait. The restaurant looks familiar so she begins to tell her friend how her man brought her there before, and she begins to glow as she remembers the evening. Her friend touches her hand and points in the direction of a family having dinner. When she looks, she sees the person who she has referred to as her man having dinner………with his wife and kids. Her friend says to her, you must end it, to a response of “but I love him.”
Is a child of God. She goes to church every Sunday, she goes to bible study every Wednesday, and is present for almost every church activity. You can see her happiness when she is around her church family. When she goes home, the atmosphere is different. She has a husband who works, and takes care of the bills, but he drinks more than usual, and when he is on the phone with his buddies, his profanity laced conversations will make a sailor blush, nor does he shows any respect for her faith walk. She invites him to church, but he feels he is a grown man, and do not need to hear another grown man yell at him. She shares with her church sister how she wishes he would change. Her church sister inquired how they got to the point of marriage, where she tucked her head down in a bashful and sort of embarrassing manner and giggled like a teenager. Her church sister nodded in understanding, but asks “is this who you believe God wants in your life?” Her response, “but I love him.”
Girl # 3:
Is in a terrible relationship. Her man is always high, hardly holds down a job, and comes in at all hours of the night. One night she confronts him on his actions, and he responded in a degrading manner. To keep the peace, she does not bring it up any more. One day while doing his laundry, she finds an open condom wrapper in his back pocket. She waited patiently for him to come home that night and confronts him. Because he was caught, he begins to beat her senseless. She manages to get out of the apartment and one of the neighbors sees her and takes her in. The neighbor calls police and the boyfriend was arrested. At court time, she insists she does not want to press charges. Things cooled down, but another evidence of an affair arises and she tries to confront him in a manner that is gently. He begins to raise his voice and throw things around the apartment. The neighbor comes with her two sons at the door, and she tells him “not this time.” He storms out threatening that the neighbors better not be here when he returns. The neighbor said to her that she should not have allowed him to come back, and her response, “but I love him.”
Three different girls and three different scenarios that we are all too familiar with. There seems to be a disconnect in what some women believe is love, and what love really is. The bible gives the most clear and beautiful example of what love is. In 1 Cor 13:4-8, love:
- Suffers long
- Is kind
- Does not envy
- Does not parade itself
- Is not puffed up
- Does not behave rudely
- Does not seek its own
- Is not provoked
- Thinks no evil
- Does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
- Bears all things
- Believes all things
- Hopes all things
- Endures all things
- Never fails
Some women need to hold their men to a higher standard. These relationships seem to be built on convenience and compromise instead of being built on love and respect. Ladies, love also is reciprocal. If you are giving love, it supposed to be returned back to you. If this is not the case, there is an error present.
Girl # 2 hits home for me. My wife was similar to Girl # 2. My wife was not going to church, but she was going to weekly bible studies. She would invite me, but of course I would decline. I did not get high or drunk, but I did have a toilet mouth. Every week she would invite me, and every week I would decline. There was a time I was irritated due to the constant invites. Then she suddenly stopped inviting me. I noticed her demeanor was different. She spoke differently, she looked different, everything about was different. One day I purposely did something to anger her, and she handled it with ease. I felt so ashamed. I began to show up to their bible studies. It was only women there. I just sat in the living room trying to act manly. As the woman of God was sharing the gospel, I moved from the living room to the floor near their table. Before you knew it, I was at the table with them.
By the grace of God, I am now in my rightful place. There is a verse for this ladies. It reads “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.” (1Pe 3:1-2) I am proof of this verse, however the scripture did say “may be won.” If a woman is doing what she is suppose to in this scenario and the man is not moved, then he is not worthy. There is an example of a Godly woman in front of him, and he is blatantly disregarding, which is the same as disregarding the word.
I pray that this lesson be used as a guide for women to make sound decisions in the future when choosing a man. Amen!